i think there is a ghost in my house. when i'm in my basement there are these two specific spots where the floor sounds like footsteps. maybe it's just my dad going from the tv to the fridge. that's what i thought too, until i figured out he was actually asleep in his room. so i don't know. we almost got a ouija board on halloween but then i remembered i'm a huge scaredy cat right now. also wal mart didn't have one because they don't have anything. sometimes i get on online ouija boards at work. but one time someone turned the lights off while me and my cousin were doing it and it was scary. my whole scaredy cat phase started when i went with gavin and soren to that dumb "haunted" house in benjamin that 16 year olds go to when boys want to show off and girls want to hold boys hands. i missed thatboat so i went instead when i was 20 with two gay friends. anyway, they forced me to go inside so we were walking around and dumb fake things were on the walls so i was like this is dumb then i looked behind me and saw this ghost lady in a white nightgown leaning against the door and i screamed my whole life out and then i cried so we left. whether or not that's what i really saw is pretty debatable. but ever since then i'm legitimately scared of the dark. i try to sleep with my lamp on but then the lightbulb starts flickering. why are bathrooms so scary? because of those countless scary movie scenes with faces in the mirror like after you wash your face or shut your mirror? probably because if someone was waiting for you outside they would just push you back in and you would be cornered and they'd smash your head over your toilet and drown you in your sink or something. i've never been paranoid or scared of that sort of thing. i used to drive to topaz mountain by myself at night. i wonder when i will stop being scared. maybe i shouldn't go to topaz mountain by myself anymore… but i could probably still go to the ruins by myself, in the day, with my bb gun and switchblade. have you ever seen the show "deadly women"? it's outta control. there was this lady on there and she killed the lady whose house she cleaned, and then she cooked her down to lard, and she SOLD IT TO PEOPLE AT THE PUB an she TOLD THEM IT WAS PIG LARD and they ATE IT. what the hell. why are people so crazy? and also, why are people mean? i don't get it. like, be nice. what is so hard about being nice? occasional brattiness is understandable, and acceptable. but not one good thing comes from being mean. i used to be pretty mean. like a total bully actually. i'm pretty ashamed of some of things, i really wouldn't be surprised if i was on a few hit lists. one new years i made a resolution to be nice. i think i have done pretty well with it. it really is crazy how much impact you can have on people, and you get the choice of whether it's going to be good or bad. i think genuine kindness is such an amazing quality. gavin got me addicted to farkle again. i should probably go to bed. what. just listen to the song "hands" by jewel. you could even watch the music video where she saves people from a building.
