zzzz

i'm not really sure how or when it all started, and as i sit here now i realize how awful of an idea it was since i feel half dead half... zombie. but are zombies all dead? or just like partially dead? maybe i just needed to recover from my trip to st george with a bunch of girls last week, but i guess there's not much recovery needed from lounging around a pool, eating, and watching tv and movies all day... i would say the climax of the trip was when me and kate released all pent up frustration and anger on the furniture rather than each other. it kind of escalated into some knife pulling, after kate threw her cloths at me, and screaming which resulted in a call to the cops from one of the neighbors. i guess it's better than a call to the cops requesting that they also bring an ambulance to haul off our dead bodies. it was after that moment when i realized that me and kate have the strangest relationship i have ever met. i guess mostly it was just emotionally draining, i do miss it though. maybe it could've been that gavin decided to go back to stupid vegas, even after much begging not to, since he's the only willing soul to hang out with me these days. that's not enTIRELY true... i guess it may have come from watching charlie and the chocolate factory, which by the way is my new favorite movie of all time, and wondering HOW those old people feel about spending every second in bed. maybe it was combinations maybe maybe maybe who knows, all i know was this past weekend i tried out hibernation. animals do it, why can't we? it was not one of my greatest ideas because it threw off my already loose grip on reality into an out of control whirlwind. this past weekend i spent either in my bed sleeping, or else endlessly driving alone on rainy roads while my eyes did some raining of their own. all i have to say is that if you had to speak to me these last few days, i apologize for my madness. i guess since what i was trying to do wasn't a human thing, i no longer felt like so much of a human... which resulted in me not acting like a human. so for whatever reason, human hibernation just was not meant to be... trust me.

also.. i got the opportunity at work to be a part of a "special project" even though i view pulling endless weeds in the middle of the day with the blazing sun beating on me cruel and unusual punishment it was nice to get out of my claustrophobic cubicle (alliteration?) and out in some fresh air country air. i do enjoy planting flowers... but not mass amounts of them in soil that i'm pretty sure could pass for clay it was so hard. it was a treat working alongside the landscaper angela who made fun of my dads business and kept getting weird phone calls promising people foot massages later... 

i had a great thought that came to me while i was in and out of slumber, those are always the best, i thought why can't on the nights you don't want to sleep just store it and then on the nights when you can't sleep you can just pull it out and use it. ?!?!?!